How to Go From ‘Situationship’ to Something Real

MAY 6, 2025 | EMMA COLANGELO

Let's talk about that relationship purgatory we've all been stuck in—the infamous situationship. You know the one: you're technically not single, but you're definitely not "official." You're seeing each other regularly enough that your friends (potentially begrudgingly) know their name, but they're definitely not posting you on anything.

Isn't it annoying how we've mastered the art of casual sex but stumble over simple truths about what we want? We navigate hookup culture with confidence (or something) but freeze when it comes to expressing our actual desires.

Here's the uncomfortable truth: we're kind of complicit in these ambiguous arrangements. We shape-shift into whatever we think they desire, becoming emotional contortionists rather than speaking our truth. We avoid asking for clarity because rejection feels worse than uncertainty.

But what's actually scarier than rejection? Wasting six months, a year, or more of your life in relationship limbo while your needs go unmet.

What if instead of waiting for them to define the relationship, we defined our own boundaries? 

Try doing the absolutely unthinkable, and say something like this instead:

"I really like you and what we’ve been building together. That said, for me to keep moving forward, I’m looking for a committed relationship. If that’s not where you're at, I completely understand—but I need to honor what I’m looking for."

Will saying this guarantee the outcome you want? Of course not. But it will guarantee you don't waste more time wondering.

The truth is, especially in heterosexual dynamics for people socialized as women, we've been socialized to wait—for him to call, for him to propose exclusivity, for him to determine our relationship status. We've become passengers in our own love stories, watching the scenery pass by while someone else controls the wheel.

We've somehow normalized this idea that women should wait around while men decide when and if things escalate. We check our phones obsessively, analyze text patterns, and discuss response times with friends like we're decoding the goddamn multiverse through one mixed signal at a time.

Meanwhile, we're surrendering our agency in our own love stories.

Here's the mindset shift that changes everything: become less attached to specific outcomes and more attached to the process. When you're fixated on making someone your boyfriend, you can't be present or your authentic self. You're too busy strategizing.

Detachment doesn't mean you don't care—it means you're not enslaved by the outcome. It means you can enjoy the moment without constantly evaluating if this is "going somewhere."

And let's dispel this myth once and for all: if someone likes you—really likes you—they don't suddenly get turned off because you showed interest or asked for clarity. There's a difference between casual interest and genuine INTEREST. One is fragile, conditional. The other can handle your honesty.

So should you send that text? Ask for clarity? Express what you want? Yes. A thousand times yes.

Because the person who's right for you wants to hear from you. The person who's right for you isn't scared away by your honesty. And if they are? Then they were never the right person to begin with.

In a world of endless options, perhaps the bravest thing we can do is stop treating our desires as secrets to be kept. The situationship only has power if we surrender our voice.

Your time is finite. Your capacity to love is not. Stop spending the former on people who don't deserve the latter.